Lord of the Things!
by Bazy
Summary: I was at the shore, I was bored. I wrote this, tried to make it funny! Just another parody on LOTR.
1. Default Chapter

Lord of the Things! Chapter One  
  
"Will you look into the mirror?" says the Lady Galadriel.  
  
"What will I see?"  
  
"Just look, will ya?"  
  
"Oh, all right." Frodo steps up and stares at the water. "Ooooh wow! Water.. Spooky!"  
  
Galadriel glares. Frodo looks into the mirror again and sees that it is divided into three sections: 1. Things that were. 2. Things that are. 3. Some things that have not yet come to pass.  
  
A black window pops up that says: Please select a language: Adûanic, Elvish, Khuzdul.  
  
Frodo notices the mouse on the mirror (the mousepad is one of those black and white cow spots Dell ones) and clicks on Elvish.  
  
"Sindarian or Quenya?" He clicks on Sindarian.  
  
"Dove sono cavallo e cavaliere? Dov'è il corno dal suono violento? Son passati come pioggia sulla."  
  
"Damn machine!" Galadriel mutters under her breath as she walks up to the mirror. She gives it a good whack with the silver pitcher she was holding for no apparent reason and the visions start.  
  
"Oooooh! Hey it's Legolas and, and Pippin and Merry. Oh there's Sam and the Shire burnt to rise crispies, and. uh oh!" Frodo is drawn closer to the mirror. He pulls himself away and falls on his butt, gets back up.  
  
"I know what it is you saw, 'cause it's like, in my head too."  
  
"No, no. anything. but. that!"  
  
Galadriel walks over and shakes him by the shoulders. "Get a grip, man!"  
  
Frodo has a flash back of the vision: The Eye of Sauron appears. A voice whispers at first but then gets louder. "Baggins, Baggins, Baggins, Baggins! Frodo. I am your father."  
  
"Noooooooooooooooooooo!" (*Moria Scream*)  
  
Frodo looks at the Lady. "Umm, does that make you my sister?"  
  
Galadriel nods.  
  
"Big sis!"  
  
"Lil bro!"  
  
They huggle. Suddenly all the Elves in Lórien and the Fellowship appear around the clearing. "Awwwwwww!" And then dissapear again.  
  
"I give to you the Light of Eärendil, our most beloved star." Galadriel hands Frodo a flashlight.  
  
"Gee thanks." (sarcastically) 


	2. Lord of the Things! Ch. 2

Lord of the Things! Chapter Two  
  
The Fellowship sail down the Anduin. After an hour has passed:  
  
"I'm bored, Mr. Frodo." Sam yawns.  
  
"Tell me about it. Hey wanna play a game or somethin'?"  
  
"K. What game?"  
  
"Hmmmm. Oooh! I know! M.A.S.H.!"  
  
Sam pulls a pencil and a pad of paper from the midst of his cooking supplies.  
  
"All right, Mr. Frodo, pick two girls."  
  
"Ummm, Éowyn and Rosie."  
  
"Nope, can't pick them."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Two reasons: We meed Éowyn in like 400 pages, and Rosie's my girlfriend!" Sam sticks out his tongue. "S'there!"  
  
"Fine."  
  
After a few minutes:  
  
Sam sits back in the boat and reads from the paper. "So you'll live in a shack, you'll marry Xenaimean Arwen the warrior princess, you'll have a Balrog for a pet, we skipped the car category because they haven't been invented yet so you won't have a car, your job'll be the guy that cleans up after the orcs, and you'll have 800 children." Sam grins.  
  
"Wonderful. Aww stop your smilin'!" Frodo grabs the pad of paper and chucks it off the side of the boat.  
  
"Hey! What'd ya go an' do that for?"  
  
Frodo stares at the water with his arms crossed, looking very moody indeed. 


	3. Lord of the Things! Ch. 3

Lord of the Things! Chapter Three  
  
Frodo and Sam haven't spoken for hours and Aragorn is feeling rather uncomfortable with the silence. Then he suddenly shouts: "Oh my freakin' God!"  
  
"What?" says Frodo, annoyed.  
  
Aragorn is jumping up and down, rocking the boat and getting water all over the hobbits, who glare at him. He points straight ahead and they come in sight of two enormous statues of kings.  
  
"Cool!"  
  
"Sweet!"  
  
From Merry and Pippin's boat:  
  
"Cool!"  
  
"Sweet!"  
  
"That!" says Aragorn. "That is the Argonath!" Aragorn pulls a tan safari had and a battery powered microphone from the midst of Sam's cooking supplies. He pops the hat on his head. Frodo and Sam just stare at him.  
  
Aragorn talks through the microphone and his voice echo's off the cliffs on either side: "The Pillars of the Kings of old, my kin. Built by some guy called Rómendacil II, whata name!, back in the Second Age. These stone statues of Isildur and. um. uhhh."  
  
"And who?" says Sam with amusement.  
  
"Oh. erm." Aragorn blurts out the first name that comes to mind. "Arwen!" And it seems to echo extra loudly.  
  
Frodo and Sam look at each other and burst out laughing. That, too, is magnified through the microphone. Aragorn's face turns bright red and he puts the had and microphone away, muttering to himself. 


	4. Lord of the Things! Ch. 4

Lord of the Things! Chapter Four  
  
Frodo walks in the forest near Amon Hen listening to the CD player he found, yes, in the midst of Sam's cooking supplies. Boromir walks up with some firewood in his arms.  
  
"None of us should wander alone. You least of all, so much depends on you."  
  
Frodo doesn't hear him and is jamming to the music, mouthing the lyrics. Boromir walks up to him.  
  
"I know why you seek solitude!" he shouts. "You suffer! I see it day by day!"  
  
Frodo takes off his earphones. "Hmmmm?" Boromir shoves a copy of the script at him.  
  
"Oh yeah!" Frodo takes the script. "Thanks, man."  
  
"Sure no problem." says Boromir impatiently.  
  
Frodo flips through the script. "Ah here we go!" He clears his throat. "By Elbereth and Luthien the Fair, you shall have neither the Ring nor me!"  
  
Boromir blinks.  
  
Frodo falls over laughing. "Hahaha, I'm sorry, heeehee, Boromir! I just had to do that." He tries to look serious but only succeeds in cracking up again.  
  
Boromir throws down his script. "Heck with this, you little twerp!" He tackles Frodo and tries to strange him, but Frodo suddenly dissapears.  
  
"What the."  
  
"Invisibility Cloak." says Frodo's quickly retreating voice.  
  
"Harry Potter?! What about the Ring?!"  
  
"Nanenanebooboo!"  
  
"Curse you!"  
  
Boromir picks up the CD player and puts on the earphones. "Britney Spears?!?!?! Aaaaaah!! Noooo!! The horror! Oh, the horror!" 


End file.
